I originally wrote this post over a week ago, but never posted it. After hearing the Relief Society Broadcast on Saturday and listening to this talk, my mind set has changed slightly. I left the talk thinking, wow I really needed to hear that!
Here is the post I wrote last week:
Scott and I were talking about when and if we want to have another baby. As we got talking I started to realize how scared I am to have another baby. Also how discouraged I am with life! I keep thinking about all the things that I found really hard over the last year and a half and think could it get any worse?
Here is the post I wrote last week:
Scott and I were talking about when and if we want to have another baby. As we got talking I started to realize how scared I am to have another baby. Also how discouraged I am with life! I keep thinking about all the things that I found really hard over the last year and a half and think could it get any worse?
What happens if when they stitch me up after delivery and the doctor says, wow this is the worse internal tears I have seen ever, instead of the first time when she said, in a long time.
I remember kneeing on the floor crying for weeks after Boston was born because I was in so much aftermath pain and I couldn’t hold my baby, let alone sit, stand or even lie down.
I remember the first two weeks my whole night and day consisted of pumping, trying to nurse, then feeding Boston with a bottle, then burping, then a short nap before the 2 hour long process started all over again.
I remember Boston was only 3.5 months old when I started to pack up our condo to move. Scott was in the middle of a busy internship and I just needed someone to come over and help me and my sister was the only one that did. And of course my parents came up the day before we moved and helped me finish or in my mom's eyes, start!
My mom said that moving to Regina would be too hard on me with a new baby. I said I would be fine. Mothers know best. Scott’s internship is done at the end of April but what happens if he can't find a job in Alberta and we end up staying in Regina? Regina has been lonely, depressing and caused major strain on our marriage.
I remember Boston average bedtime for months and months was midnight. We tried everything, but nothing works. Boston still sleeps below average, he took after his daddy, I love sleep, and Scott can do without.
I remember Boston average bedtime for months and months was midnight. We tried everything, but nothing works. Boston still sleeps below average, he took after his daddy, I love sleep, and Scott can do without.
I was told that once you started nursing, the baby weight would fall right off… well the weight came on and on. And still is coming on and on. I’m an emotional eater, and I don’t want to have another baby and gain even more weight when I haven’t lost any to begin with.
I am not proud of my mental state right now. Scott says I just need to be happier and think happier, but I don’t think it is that easy. I have never had cold sores in my life and I have had them for a whole month now. They come and go every 2 days. Cold sores are brought about from stress and lack of sleep. I think that sums up me.
I know everyone has different things they need to deal with in their lives and we aren’t given anything we can’t handle. I need some motivation, I know being a mom is hard, but this is way harder than I ever thought it would be. I knew moving 9 hours away from my family would be hard, but never thought it would be this hard. I knew having a husband in a busy master’s program would be stressful, but I didn’t think it would affect us like it has. What happened to that exciting perfect life we always got presented to us in YW class every Sunday?
I need some motivation…
I debated posting this but decided that it is okay to have bad days and it is okay to get discouraged sometimes. BUT now I need to rethink life and as President Uchtdorf said, be patient with myself, make good sacrifices and mostly BE HAPPY NOW! I keep telling myself that things will be better when we move back to Alberta, or when Scott is in a real job, or when I have a house and not a tiny apartment. I know I can be happy now, I just need to really work at it! I bought a new book many months ago and haven't read it yet. It is called, The Happiness Project. My goal is to read it ASAP. It is a struggle for me to be happy and I need a little "workbook" to help me out. Wish me luck!
I debated posting this but decided that it is okay to have bad days and it is okay to get discouraged sometimes. BUT now I need to rethink life and as President Uchtdorf said, be patient with myself, make good sacrifices and mostly BE HAPPY NOW! I keep telling myself that things will be better when we move back to Alberta, or when Scott is in a real job, or when I have a house and not a tiny apartment. I know I can be happy now, I just need to really work at it! I bought a new book many months ago and haven't read it yet. It is called, The Happiness Project. My goal is to read it ASAP. It is a struggle for me to be happy and I need a little "workbook" to help me out. Wish me luck!
